A Pretty Good August Day

Yesterday I spend the day with some of my extended family on my cousins, Ben and Sarah's boat. It is a retired research vessel/work boat. It may not look the prettiest, but I cannot imagine a cooler boat, it half made me want to run away and become a crew member on boat like it (I have decided against it).

I got to hang out with their daughter, Elsa, in the crow's nest (which my brother painted) for a while. I loved it!

We took the boat out of Lake Macatawa and to Lake Michigan (past the famous red lighthouse) and back again. On the way back we threw out the anchor and swam in the lake. The water, the tube and the can of beer all added up to be one of the most relaxing moments I have had this summer, it was in fact, a pretty good August day.

Potatoes

Note to self I hate potatoes when they turn to liquid and have maggots. The End.

Good Enough

For a couple days now I have been feeling pretty much like I am not good enough. In the wordly sort of way...money, appearance, job and what not. So it happened today, the thing that usually happens when I ignore something like that...I cried. And a lot.



There were two great thoughts though.



First, I am what I am by the grace of God, and his grace was not in vain (1 corinthians 15:10). Sidenote to self I don't even think I ever meant to memorize this verse, but it was great, memorize more. Note also this doesn't mean I sit around and do nothing, Paul says in the second half of that verse "I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."



Second, I realized I am not good enough at all, which seems awful, but is freeing. I am not good enough, but Christ IS my rightousness and more than good enough, in fact more than enough (I use to think that was a kind of cheesy, still probably do, but it is true). In everything I could ever hope to do, I will still fall short, HE won't, HE can't.

The Great Divorce

I don't have the best memory so this is my way of remembering what I thought of this book.

I just finished the book The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. Yes this was about 1 year and a couple odd months after I should have finished/read it in a small group. Sorry.

I have been turned off from this book in the past when people start talking like it is a true example of heaven and hell. I am glad I got over that and read it, but it is not a biblical view on heaven and hell. I don't think Heaven is as good in the book as it is in the bible and I don't think Hell is as bad in the book and it is in the bible. I also would agree with people who say C.S. Lewis did not write it to be an example.

Also this book was really hard for me to get into and a lot of the symbolism went over my head. I would eventually like to read this again and see if I get more out of it.

With that said, the best part of the book is the "ghosts" and "solid people" that the narrator comes into contact with. They are people I know. The people who makes their kids into little gods, the people who are not well known on earth that heaven rejoices over, people who grow bitter, people who don't necessarily like their sin but don't fully want to kill it either.

The ghost (hell people) also have a hard time walking on solid grass, reality is harsh to them, but none the less true.
The solid people (heaven people) play and run with joy on solid grass, reality is joy when faith becomes sight.



My Favorite Quote

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and
those to whom God says, "Thy will be done."

It is good for me

Last week while going through some old binders, I found an old email, not even originally send to me that was a great blessing to me. It was printed for me by my old d-group dad, Allan, from a pastor named Fred, Feb 22, 2007.

He starts by talking about tomorrow being the day that he will receive the results of a couple test (He had cancer). He writes


"There is a temptation here of course. It is to be anxious about tomorrow and the tomorrows that follow. The temptation puts me right in the middle of a great test of faith: will I be anxious or will I trust?

Jesus in the sermon on the mount speaks about this test of faith: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:34. There is no ambiguity here and no wiggle room. Facing my uncertainty about tomorrow, Jesus tells me, "Don't worry". But Jesus, I protest, how can I stop my mind from its speculations and prognostications? And Jesus in the same text tells me that the antidote to anxiety is trust. "If God clothes the grass of the fields (with a beauty unrivaled), which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matt 6:30. And still earlier he says: "are you not much more valuable then they?" Matt 6:26.

But Jesus, I protest again, how can I become better at trusting in the face of all this uncertainty? "Ask and you will receive", he says in the same sermon. The way through anxiety and the path to greater faith is the path of prayer.

Am I worrying? Stop it. Set the mind on things above not on things below. Begin to pray a simple prayer of focus like Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy of me." Worry and Jesus can not stay in the same brain at the same time. And should I stop my prayer and the anxiety return? I pray again...and again...and again...This is a battle for my soul. Will I accept anxiety or fight through to faith? If it requires a thousand prayers in an hour, then it is my great privilege to pray those prayers. And should my soul need strengthening, then I will declare my desire before the demons and before the Triune God in the words of Psalm 55:23. "But, I will trust you". Five simple but transforning words. If Jesus tells me to stop worrying then it is possible to stop the anxiousness and to rest in his loving arms."


It is good for me to look into the mind of this brother and see his fight to trust. It is also good for me to realize his trusting did not make the cancer go away, it took his life within 4 months of sending this email. It is the Lord I praise for the example of his son Fred.

47 Hours

Friday


1:03pm arrive to pick up twins
1:32pm leave with them
1:56pm get them settle in their own bed at their house
2:01pm Eat lunch, start cleaning their house
2:52pm Take a break and watch the office
3:03pm don't hear them playing upstairs anymore, asleep
3:15pm finsh cleaning and packing
5:00pm Wake up twins and pake them up
5:30pm leave their house
5:51pm arrive home
5:52pm Mimi screams at the dog who is lying down
5:53pm Ellie scream (dog still is lying down)6:02pm Dinner and unpacking
6:32pm Wagon walk with my mom and the dog (this time no screaming)
7:15pm Bath time
8:28pm bottles
8:43pm bed
9:51pm check on them, asleep
11:03pm still asleep



Saturday



12:01am My bedtime
3:57am Mimi wakes up, bottle, bed
8:31am Kids wake up Mimi cries, Ellie is sitting up, diapers, dress, do hair
8:53am breakfast
10:02am Wagon walk with the dog
10:55am bottles and play in the pack n play time for twins
11:01am play with twins
11:59am lunch
12:26pm bottles and play, Mimi decides to run up to the dog and back to me about 5 times laughing, Ellie still screams upon sight of her
1:02pm naps (I got scrub the tub in the bathroom, they win)
3:35pm up, get ready to go
3:47pm outing with my mom and girls
4:09pm Health food store to just walk around, Ellie refuses to sit in the buggy (note-most people call this a kart) she walks around with a kid's kart for a while and dances around, soon she gets tired of this and makes me carry her, Mimi rides in the buggy happily
5:09pm Target for a couple of items, I make Ellie sit in the buggy, she screams, we decide people in the toy section may be more sympathetic towards Ellie, she eventually decides she likes the buggy, hoorah! Mimi still likes the buggy, I feed them animal crackers and milk to ensure their conituned happiness
6:01pm Pick up dinner, take out, Noodles and co, Wisconsin mac and cheese for twinies and Tuscan wheat linguini for me, pesto capi-sometime for my mom
6:35pm Arrive home and Eat
7:31pm baths!
8:25pm Bottles and bed
9:32pm check on them
11:00pm check on them

Sunday

12:05am Lights out for me
12:10am Mimi cries for 30 seconds
4:30am Mimi cries, bottle, bed
8:33am Both kids smile, neither cry, diaper, dress, do hair, diapers again
9:14am Breakfast, Pancakes, eggs, the works
9:52am Play time for girls, packing and getting ready for church for me
10:30am Leave for church
11:00am kids in nursery, church for me
12:21pm Return kids to their house

Suffering Saints

In this world the saints are suffering:

Families leave them, kids rebel,
Neighbors rob them at gunpoint,
Hope of children are ripped away from them,
Sudden death griefs them,
Bodies fail them,

In their absolute saddness, in every tear,
I hear a strong anthem emerge,
God is good and Jesus is the treasure of their heart,
Their portion forever,


The Word of the Lord is their hope,
I see their souls rejoice in your promises,
My heart breaks for these saints,
My prayers they have,


Oh Lord come wipe these sorrows away
and thank you for these saints,
whose steadfastness shows me your glory clearer.


(okey, leon, ted, dan, don)

Beauty in my eyes

So for quite sometime I have liked the sight of old broken down barns, the type that seem like the smallest wind would turn it into a pile of rumble, the type that let daylight through the walls, the type that has peeling dull red paint.

Today while driving on the MLK bridge over Grand River headed south, I realized that I really liked that view too. It is where industry meet natural beauty. The three smoke stacks stand strong in the sky, while the empty cement land( I assume was once a useful parking lot) now grows weeds, right next to these is the Grand River. My favorite time to drive over the bridge is earlier morning when the sun starts coming up over the trees.

I also reminded today while driving over the bridge that another of my favorite things to look at is abandon buildings, the kind I saw it Detroit this March. The houses, the giant train station, the zoo and aquarium at Belle Isle, the Packer plant (where my grandmother work) that built luxury cars.

It hit me today that all of these things that I like to see, that I think I have a strange beauty, have one thing in common. They were built by man and are reminders that things that are built by man cannot last, there is a certain beauty to that.

Life giving Blood

A family from my church just had a new baby named Bennett, in the pictures he looks really cute. During the pregnancy it was discovered she had placenta previa (I didn't know what that was, but it is when the placenta attaches itself on the lower part of the womb, partly or completely covering the cervix. This can result in lots of bleeding during the pregnancy and the deliver.) Mom, Heidi had the Bennett by C-section on Saturday morning which did result in a lot of bleeding, so much so that she needed to get two blood transfusion.

Talking to Amie yesterday she said without the transfusion Heidi would have probably died and reading dad, Brad's facebook status that said, "Heidi's doing much better today. The transfusion seems to have -- literally -- put new life into her." I am reminded that blood does give life. And although it isn't a perfect illustration while driving to work today I realized without Christ blood I am dead, dying, gone. Christ blood is what give me new live and abundantly so.




"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace" -Ephesians 1:7

Promises

Recently I was looking back at my old sermon notes and a noticed in March I had boxed a sentence that said

"Do not think God will give you more than his promises, but trust him to give you his promises"

This made me want to write out some of the promises I am trusting God for...in no particular order

• That he who began a good work in me will carry it on the completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6)
• He will never leave me nor forsake me (Joshua 1:5)
• He will go before me (Deuteronomy 31:8)
• He will crush Satan (Genesis 3:15)
• Receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit (Act 2:39)
• The pure in heart will see God (Matt 5:8)
• There is an inheritance not through the law, but through grace according to the promise given to Abraham (Galatians 3:18)
• Hope of eternal life (Titus 1:2)
• The man who preseveres under trial will reiceve the crown of life (James 1:12)
• The man whose sin the Lord will never count against him is blessed (Romans 4:8)
• That Jesus was delivered over for my sins and was raised to life for my justification (Romans 4:25)
• God works for my own good according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)
• If my hope is in the Lord I can never be put to shame (Psalm 25:3)
• For the Lord knows the plans he has for me, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope (Joshua 1:9)
• He will sustains all things by his powerful word (Hebrews 1:3)

These are some of the promises I will trust in, NOT wealth, health and prosperity.

This breath I breathe

So breathing is never something that has ever been hard for me...I am talking never. Never do I have a memory of gasping for air. This seems like a good thing and it is a true blessing, but lately I feel like I am overlooking the blessing of breathing.

One of the kiddos I watch, George, sometimes has troubles breathing. This has resulted in me becoming familiar with a Nebulizer and also scares me because he is only 3. Another one of my friends, Kelly, has problems breathing as well, for different reasons, but sometimes especially lately she is reaching for her inhaler.

Breathing right is a blessing for both of them and me whether I realize it or not. So with that I thank God for this breath I breathe.

I am going to miss this...

I am sitting in the Durrett's living room just like I have every Monday since last September. Monday is garbage pickup day, which has always brought the kids certain joy. Today is no exception and although George has been trying to go potty upon hearing the garbage truck he runs out...with no clothes on. He then is waving and saying hi, to the garbage truck man, who to my relief does not spot him.
This is many of the little things I will miss come next Monday, the first Monday after the birth of Thomas Edward Durrett. Here are a couple more

• The way after George goes potty he runs in and giggles
• George and Helen taking all their books and putting them somewhere (couch, crib, stairs, floors etc)
• Helen out eating George
• Picking out what they will wear (today Helen's in a Big Sister T shirt)
• Walks to the park or around the block (PS I always feel classy while yelling their names out)
• Reading books like Aliens Love Underpants and Bucky the Badger
• George being willing to watch Pandora for as long as I will let him
• George screaming when Helen does something he does not like
• Trips to Nineveh on George's spaceship
• Art projects (paints probably my favorite)
• George saying things like "can you show me?", to things such as "where are you hurt?"

Anyways welcome to the world Thomas and goodbye George and Helen. I have surely enjoyed hanging out with you guys!

PS while doing an art project today George said that one picture was for his sister Thomas after trying to explain Thomas is his brother he then said "Okay, Thomas the train."

Thanks Althea

So I hate hate hate when people ask me such questions as What's the next step? What are you up to these days? Do you have a job? Are you still babysitting? and so on....

On Saturday I got to answer those questions about 3 times for my parents small group (they were over for a summertime hangout.) I know those questions were well wished by some of the same people who have been praying for those things. But some times it makes me feel like an epic failure. Truth be told I don't know what I am completely doing with my life but I do see God mercies surrounding me.

I was mentioning this in passing at church to a lady named Althea. I love Althea. She is a Godly woman who lives her life in such a way that I can see that her treasure in life is Christ. She has a huge heart for sharing the Gospel, praying, scriptures and encouraging younger women (myself included). We have had great conversions about life. I remember a time last summer when I really needed someone to talk to after asking if we could get coffee soon, her reply was how about in an hour. She has been such a blessing in my life (Read- I value her opinion)

She was super encouraging today and pointed out that I am spending time where it matters, growing in Godliness and getting involved in community. Is was great to be told that by someone who I respect and would not mind being like someday. Thanks Althea for directing my eyes to things above.