Dear Jack

I was expecting to write a short post about my brother's upcoming wedding. I was looking through old wedding albums and I found one where you were dancing with your bride, at a cousin's wedding.
You looked so happy.

A part of me dreams that you both would share a sweet dance on Saturday at your namesake's wedding. I think you would like who he is, his heart towards others and his fight to trust the Lord in uncertain times. It is surely a blessing to be his sister. I think you would like Crista and her heart too.

A part of me wants that, part of me loves that you joined the Saints of Old, resting and worshiping, without a veil of flesh, free to sin no more. I feel the weight of that part of days like Jake's wedding and sometimes mundane days. Sometimes, when I watch my daughter sleep or hear my husband sing her hymns, my mind drifts to wondering what hymns you would have sung her, what you would have thought of her sweet face. I feel the weight, but that weight comes with joy attached.

Your life (and death)  have consistently taken my far-too-low, preoccupied gaze and raised it...

...Raised it to the cross.
...Raised it to sin's costly price.
...Raised it to the face of your King.
...Raised it to things angels long to look at.
...Raised it to the place you dwell with your King.
...Raised it to the land in which my possession's lie.

As a person who defaults to enjoying mere contentment in this world, my eyes need such raising. They need to know that this world is broken; it's not the way it should be. They need to know that Christ died to make all the sin, brokenness, and sorrow vanish amid his grace. They need to know that Christ died for my sin; my pride, my self-sufficiency, my looking to other idols; MY sin.  They need to know the risen, sinless King lives; he sits (mission complete!) at the right hand of the Father.

Your life still speaks volumes. It tells me that King is trustworthy, in my life and death. I'm pretty sure you would be more than ok with your life still pointing me to your King.

...But Jack, if you get a chance celebrate with us on Saturday, feel free to join us in dance!
  

Happy Birthday

It was my Dad's birthday on Monday!! Brad, Jake and I took my Dad to play mini-Hawk (a real grass mini golf place near us)! My Mom kept score! It was super fun and if you're wondering the three of us decided we would let my Dad win for his birthday...I found it very easy to "let" him win...he may actually just be better than us!

Also as a fun surprise my car battery died on Monday evening...like really, really died...like jump it and turn it of and it's dead again! Without hesitation and without annoyance my Dad came to help us, when he should be getting ready for bed, on his birthday. No surprise there, he even switched out the battery for me on Tuesday...spoiler I did help, but I think he much rather perhaps Brad's help in the garage, as mine comes with my commentary :) I could not help to think in the dark parking lot Monday night how my Dad is there and able to help me on my silly car problems and how much more the Lord is always here and more able to see me through this life's silly (and not so silly) problems! Praise the Lord and Praise him for his shadows!

I love my Dad's heart...let my willingness to use my gifts, for others, be like his, Lord!

Blessing Week Take 3

By now you are probably happy that Father's rarely lands in the same week as June 26th! The next time it will happen is 2020!

It seems perfectly fitting that Brad shares a birthday with my Mom, he continues a lot of her work in my life and they both have love me well. I love that they have the same birthday :)

Brad is my favorite person...he is also the only one out of these three people who loved me out of choice and not birth!

He was telling me just the other day that he feels like I balance him out better than he balances me out...or something crazy like that. It made me start thinking about what I really appreciate about my husband

• I notoriously (at least around our house) bite off more than I should/can. If there stuff I want to do, that's good to do, that helps people, that kind of works in my schedule I say yes...I say yes a lot! Sometimes it is it wisdom and I tend not to need a lot of "down" time, I am a doer, I like to me moving. At some point I break (see my post entitled Life). When I am at my end, that man shadows for my silly heart the steadfastness of the Lord, but being steadfast for me. I run until it is physically hard to keep running and he holds me and prays for me when I can't. I don't think I could do much of the good I do, if he was not there, if he was not steadfast next to me. He's the calm to my all over the place, the quiet to my noisy. 
• He provides financially for our family and has never once suggested that I start making more money. His faithfulness to the grind at work, frees me up to use my gifts where I feel the Lord moving even if it does not equal the highest value at the end of the day. I am so thankful for how he works so hard.
• He has great wisdom. My husband is super wise. He does not talk as much as some, definitely not great at small talk. This I think makes the words he speaks worth so much more. He always has a way of pointing me to Jesus, which I need. He has a way of helping me process my life, my day, my friends in a Biblical way. He can ask really good question (sometimes better than I would like). Even now I am getting a little stressed, not sure if I should let him read this or just publish it. I lean on his wisdom a lot.
• He makes me laugh, even when I'm not so happy with him (usually my fault and not his!), but I love it. I tend to be a person who finds a lot of things funny, but not everything makes me laugh...he can. I love him!

There is a lot more I could say and I'm sure better ways to say what I did. But I love the man and count it pure Grace that the Lord would see it fit for us to strive after Him, next to each other. I am so thankful for the Lord's thankfulness to Brad for the past 28 years and I am excited to see new signs of His faithfulness this year in Brad's life. I love you Bradley Joseph.

Blessings Week Take 2

Friday is my Mom's birthday. She'll be 65 (Thanks for being born in 1950, it makes things nice!)

I don't think Jake and I have ever thought to rise up and call my Mom blessed, and say "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all", like the children of the Proverb 31 woman...but that probably says more about us and let about her! 

My Mom is one of my favorite people ever, and when I'm at my end or having a bad day, she is the person I most want to call (yet another joy of her retirement, she can answer!). My Mom encourages me in being a Godly women, mostly by example....the hardest, deepest, and best way. It speaks a better word to my soul then words alone. And yet, that's only the beginnings of my blessings!

1. She is (almost) 65 people and even in the last 5 years of her life I have seen so much growth in her life. I see her pushing herself to trust in the Lord more and more, even in little things. This shows me many things, especially since the Lord is moving in her life as she seeks him. She likely won't be alive when/if I am ever 65, but if her Lord, and Savior is faithful to her at 65, He will be faithful to me at 65. If he is still sanctifying her now, He will be sanctifying me then. This adds a strange comfort to me...I don't have to have my life figured out at 65. In humility trusting in the Lord (like my Mom), I can still be figuring out my life and the Lord will still be faithful. It reminds me that although he has already redeemed his people, on this earth he is still bending our hearts towards him and refining our sinful parts.
2. I have never question whether my Mom (and my Dad) pray for me. My Mom is great at telling me (and leaving her lists around the house). This is something that I've never thought about until recently when one of my friends said something like "I think your Mom has prayed for me more than my parents have ever prayed for me my entire life". Oh the blessings my Mom has given me in the form of time in front of the Lord. This is an reminder for me to of the importance of prayer and the encouragement it can be to the Christian when they know what others are praying on their behalf. (Also to my shame, I'm sure my Mom has prayed more for my friends, then I have in the past month).
3. My Mom loves me and others well and encourages in little ways. I also see her using her time well. She does a lot of mundane tasks, usually nothing glorious, but she does it in such a way that gives others rest.  In doing this she shows me what it is to love well and serve other well, she uses her own strength to give many rest, let that be true of me. 
• She knows this has been a busy month for Brad and I, and that we have felt some weariness, both physically and emotionally at times. She told me the other week that she would love to help in anyway she can and suggested doing our laundry, scrubbing my bathroom tub (which she has done before)...I love her humility and servant's heart. She also has dropped her plans at a notice moment to find a new desk for my husband (which he loves!). 
• I see her serve her husband well. She works, hard in a season of her life where some may be tempted to be lazy. She works hard so my Dad has minimum to do when he comes from a long day on the clock. 
• I also see her use a lot of her vacation time to visit and love my Grandma. My Mom has said when people hear she is going to Florida to visit her Mom, they think vacation. Really she serves my Grandma by doing the things that my Grandma wants to do (going to Red Lobster and mopping the tile, etc).
4.  I see great generosity, in her time, money and energy. Almost all of my examples, show great generosity :)

There is so much more I could write about my Mom...My Mom is one of the people who gets me the most; just like my Dad I have never felt like I had to prove anything to her, but just felt the comfort and confidence of being loved by her. I love you Momma DJ! You (and Dad) have been the visible smile of God to me for my entire life. My testimony is one of beautiful boringness, and by His Grace it's been through and due to your faithfulness.

Blessings Week

This is a super great week in my life...I get to celebrate 3 of my biggest blessings on this earth :)

Yesterday was Father's Day. Truth be told I knew everyone did not have a Dad as great as mine, but I never knew the weight of that (...and I still don't...).  I have never questioned if my Dad loved me; I knew he was angry sometimes...but loved was never a question. They say that a Father is the relationship that a child mostly uses to know how to relate to the Lord, so it is a huge gift that my Dad has given me that I never have to question his love. My Dad is for me. My Dad shadows how the Lord is for me. In my Dad's example I find this shadow and many others.

From my Dad I have learned to take joy in simple things: sports, nature, my gifts.

• Sports
• Is it any consequence that the sport my Dad found the most joy in playing and (I think) the most joy in watching is mine favorite too! Something about the game of basketball...silly little bouncing ball, a little finesse and an orange hoop. The athleticism in basketball shows me how complex these bodies the Lord created actually are-depth perception, endurance, vertical jumps...bodies do that! I imagine golf gives him similar joys (more depth perception and less vertical jumps though).
•  In sports I also see my Dad take joy in his teams. His teams sometimes aren't so good :( But even in the worst MSU football seasons, he found joy in being loyal to his team. Never do I remember anger, disappointment replacing joy. I can see how my Dad's example of unswaying loyalty and joy are good for my heart. They are shadows pointing to the eternal battles. In this life although Christ has won the final victory, it does not seem like he is winning sometimes (ie Charleston, SC). Take heart people, there is joy to find, where life seems bad, my Dad finds it!
• I am pretty sure my Dad may have been slightly frustrated at the type of athlete I was. He has that crazy athlete drive, even now in his 60's he golfs more then some people would like him too :) I never had the same drive, I was the type of kid who got the "best attitude of the bench warmers" awards. He never made me feel like I was not good enough, he never made me feel like I had to prove something to him. I think that in itself let me just enjoy sports for what they are and speaks of the type of Dad my Dad is!
• Nature
• My Dad has taken joy in nature, whether in his own yard or on a lake somewhere. He and my Mom have taken me all over this country to marvel at the handy work of the Lord. I think to some degree this is something he also appreciates about golf, the handy work of the Lord.
•  My Gifts
• My Dad has taught me to take joy in where I have gifts and use them to serve others, with joy! I am always amazing at how my Dad can drop everything, change his weekend plans, and take apart my car and fix something I never knew existed that was broke... without ever even hinting at the fact that I ruined his plans. This clearly shows me what it is to use my gifts and things I take joy in to serve others around me, without expecting a return. 
• I also think I got my love of singing from my Dad...He loves to sing, I am not great at singing, but I take joy in it! 

I love the joy my Dad shows in his life and come football season, next to him is where I want to be! I love you Daddy-O!

Life

       In what areas has God been working on your character?

"Not sure how to answer this, but I’m a verbal processor...so here we go.  I am a person who feels pretty self-sufficient, likes to be doing things, and loves to pleaser people (in general). I have been learning as of late (actually slowly over the course of a long time, but also for sure lately) that I have limits, I am finite, and I am a human. I cannot be everything, to everyone, do everything everywhere, and sleep. As I have told you multiple times (I think), this summer I said yes to too many things, good things, things I wanted to do and somehow forgot that the fall is really busy around church. I have felt like I was at my end a lot, but truth be told if I don’t feel like I am at my end I (foolishly, usually) rest on my self-sufficiency, not on the one who create everything with his words and holds all things together (and the one who forgave my sins, by his mercy). I enjoy (at least a little) feeling my mortal weakness in small ways. It is good for me to own that identity and rest in what the Lord has done, not what I can do! I’m not sure if this is what the question wanted, but I’m sure it affects my character."


...Oh boy, that was an answer to a self evaluation I filled out for my church job in September. And truth be told...its exactly (again) where I find myself in March. (As a side note-I am sure my lovely husband wishes and prays I someday feel my mortal weakness in a different way and not one where I have to be at my end...but he is a good man and has never said such things. I love him.) I do feel the comfort of knowing in my exhaustion, and utter non-sufficiency the Lord is Good, the Lord is Almighty, and the Lord is Able. I love knowing the Lord better today, than yesterday. And in this meager realization, I find hope for tomorrow's insurmountable tasks.

By Thy Mercy

We sang this song in church a couple Sundays ago. I like it for the lyrics and the overall sound. (It gets stuck in my head).

Listen to it here

By Thy Mercy by Indelible Grace ft Matthew Smith; Lyrics Included and pasted below.

1. Jesus, Lord of life and glory,
Bend from heaven thy gracious ear;
While our waiting souls adore thee,
Friend of helpless sinners, hear:

2. From the depth of nature's blindness,
From the hardening power of sin,
From all malice and unkindness,
From the pride that lurks within,

Refrain: By thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord
By thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord.

3. When temptation sorely presses,
In the day of Satan's power,
In our times of deep distresses,
In each dark and trying hour.

4. When the world around is smiling,
In the time of wealth and ease,
Earthly joys our hearts beguiling,
In the day of health and peace. Refrain

5. In the weary hours of sickness,
In the times of grief and pain,
When we feel our mortal weakness,
When all human help is vain.

6. In the solemn hour of dying,
In the awful judgment day,
May our souls, on thee relying,
Find thee still our Rock and Stay. Refrain