I Murmur At It Still

This is kind of a post continuing some of my old ones. I am learning that my plan and God's plan is different and that God's is better by far. And I am finding encouragement in those hymns still. I am mostly encourage to realize the fact, that Christians two hundred plus years ago had the same struggle as me...This song echos in my head today, written by John Newton (yes the Slave Trader turned Christian, who wrote Amazing Grace). I'll bold the part that's been the biggest blessing to me.

Help My Unbelief

I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away.
And frights my soul away.

I would but can't repent,
Though I endeavor oft,
This stony heart can ne'er relent
Till Jesus makes it soft.
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move
A soul as base as mine.
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
in God's most holy will;
I know what he appoints is best,
And murmur at it still.
I murmur at it still.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

Wonderfully Old

A couple weeks ago I found and borrowed a cd from a family I work for (I'll bring it back soon), it's by Red Mountain Church. They apparently are a church in Birmingham, AL and have a passion for hymns. They write new music for words that are wonderfully old.

I have been enjoying the cd so much I decided to buy my brother two cds from them for Christmas (Merry Christmas Jake!) They came in the mail the other day and I did what any good sister would do, opened them and started listening!

Here is one song that I have be really encouraged to me, it dates back to 1780's (meaning it was wrote around the time of my great, great, great, great, great grandfather).

Hark, the voice of love and mercy,
Sounds aloud from Calvary!
See, it rends the rocks asunder,
Shakes the earth and veils the sky!
“It is finished, It is finished,”
Hear the dying Savior cry.

“It is finished,” O what pleasure,
Do these charming words afford.
Heavenly blessings, without measure,
Flow to us from Christ the Lord.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints the dying words record.

Finished all the types and shadows,
Of the ceremonial law;
Finished all that God had promised;
Death and hell no more shall awe.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints from hence your comfort draw.

Tune your harps anew, ye seraphs;
Join to sing the pleasing theme;
Saints on earth and all in heaven,
Join to praise Immanuel’s name.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Glory to the bleeding lamb!

Ellie

This is Ellie's first hymn! (Note I heard her do this the first time without anyone asking her to sing it).

Hanging on

So I was reminded today of something Kevin said in an old sermon...Something about how ultimately it is not a baby/child holding a caretaker (he may have said mother) that makes the baby safe, but that the caretaker is holding it. I probably butchered that, but stay with me.

Helen is two. Helen is scared of dogs. Nel let Maddie (a great, gentle, calm, medium-size dog) upstairs. Upon the sight Helen cried and screamed straight to me. She could have chosen her blanket, her three year old brother, or running hard the other way, but she chose me...the one who could protect her. She grabbed me with strength that well surpasses her young age and tighter than I can even remember a child grabbing me. This was the reminder that no matter how she grabbed me, it was my hold that would "save" her (By this time Maddie had lost interest and was standing by the door to be let outside). As I got up with Helen in my arms to let Maddie out she grabbed me even tighter, her head crying into my shoulder. But I did it, I let Maddie out and back downstairs knowing that Helen was safe and would be best after Maddie was back in the basement.

This made me think of two things. First even though Helen was probably thinking something like why would she take me anywhere close to that dog, I saw the end that would be for Helen's good (Maddie going downstairs). For me I realize that I am far to worried about short term trials then trusting the God who created everything and knows the plans that he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Second I realized that I don't run to God, find my security in him, cry to him and trust him enough...ultimately it is not my "grab" on God that matters, but his on me. I do however want to join David in saying

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1