I Murmur At It Still

This is kind of a post continuing some of my old ones. I am learning that my plan and God's plan is different and that God's is better by far. And I am finding encouragement in those hymns still. I am mostly encourage to realize the fact, that Christians two hundred plus years ago had the same struggle as me...This song echos in my head today, written by John Newton (yes the Slave Trader turned Christian, who wrote Amazing Grace). I'll bold the part that's been the biggest blessing to me.

Help My Unbelief

I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away.
And frights my soul away.

I would but can't repent,
Though I endeavor oft,
This stony heart can ne'er relent
Till Jesus makes it soft.
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move
A soul as base as mine.
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
in God's most holy will;
I know what he appoints is best,
And murmur at it still.
I murmur at it still.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

Wonderfully Old

A couple weeks ago I found and borrowed a cd from a family I work for (I'll bring it back soon), it's by Red Mountain Church. They apparently are a church in Birmingham, AL and have a passion for hymns. They write new music for words that are wonderfully old.

I have been enjoying the cd so much I decided to buy my brother two cds from them for Christmas (Merry Christmas Jake!) They came in the mail the other day and I did what any good sister would do, opened them and started listening!

Here is one song that I have be really encouraged to me, it dates back to 1780's (meaning it was wrote around the time of my great, great, great, great, great grandfather).

Hark, the voice of love and mercy,
Sounds aloud from Calvary!
See, it rends the rocks asunder,
Shakes the earth and veils the sky!
“It is finished, It is finished,”
Hear the dying Savior cry.

“It is finished,” O what pleasure,
Do these charming words afford.
Heavenly blessings, without measure,
Flow to us from Christ the Lord.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints the dying words record.

Finished all the types and shadows,
Of the ceremonial law;
Finished all that God had promised;
Death and hell no more shall awe.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints from hence your comfort draw.

Tune your harps anew, ye seraphs;
Join to sing the pleasing theme;
Saints on earth and all in heaven,
Join to praise Immanuel’s name.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Glory to the bleeding lamb!

Ellie

This is Ellie's first hymn! (Note I heard her do this the first time without anyone asking her to sing it).

Hanging on

So I was reminded today of something Kevin said in an old sermon...Something about how ultimately it is not a baby/child holding a caretaker (he may have said mother) that makes the baby safe, but that the caretaker is holding it. I probably butchered that, but stay with me.

Helen is two. Helen is scared of dogs. Nel let Maddie (a great, gentle, calm, medium-size dog) upstairs. Upon the sight Helen cried and screamed straight to me. She could have chosen her blanket, her three year old brother, or running hard the other way, but she chose me...the one who could protect her. She grabbed me with strength that well surpasses her young age and tighter than I can even remember a child grabbing me. This was the reminder that no matter how she grabbed me, it was my hold that would "save" her (By this time Maddie had lost interest and was standing by the door to be let outside). As I got up with Helen in my arms to let Maddie out she grabbed me even tighter, her head crying into my shoulder. But I did it, I let Maddie out and back downstairs knowing that Helen was safe and would be best after Maddie was back in the basement.

This made me think of two things. First even though Helen was probably thinking something like why would she take me anywhere close to that dog, I saw the end that would be for Helen's good (Maddie going downstairs). For me I realize that I am far to worried about short term trials then trusting the God who created everything and knows the plans that he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Second I realized that I don't run to God, find my security in him, cry to him and trust him enough...ultimately it is not my "grab" on God that matters, but his on me. I do however want to join David in saying

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1

And everything is speaking for allegiance

Yesterday I may or I may not have freaked out (may is true) and when it all comes down to it I was second-guessing what the Lord has and will provide in my life (note to self-don't do this). I was thinking that I knew what I needed and did not know how to reconcile the fact that I probably won't get what I want. At the time I was kind of jealous and mildly angry (read-sinful) and I knew it. I also don't know how to be sad about something (it makes sense I would be sad) without becoming jealous or angry. I also knew that I have a lot to be thankful for (note-I feel kind of cheesy that this post will be around thanksgiving, but I decided it is still good for me to continue in the hopes the joy and thankfulness can't live in the same heart as anger and jealousy).

Where to start...where to start...how about the fact that my biggest problem now and always is solved. Sin. I would stand before the Lord fully deserving Hell for my sin, nothing I can do could ever change that end. But it is solved, it is paid for in the blood of Jesus Christ...as Romans 8:1 says it Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This is something I will/can never be thankful enough for.

Here are some other things in no particular order.

• I am thankful for a fiance who will listen to me even when I know I don't make sense
• I am thankful for URC that feeds me sermons of substance
• I am thankful for the body of saints that I stand by, pray for and who pray for me
• I am thankful for a brother who calls me at midnight telling me he has sent me links to some great Piper videos and I need to watch them
• I am thankful for hymns, reformed rap, acoustic sounding stuff, sappy country love songs (I know, I know...)
• I am thankful for parents who love me and pretty much "adopt" all my friends
• I am thankful for a best friend who still laughs when I am ridiculous
• I am thankful for my Rendezvous...I love it
• I am thankful for coffee, tea, diet coke and Perrier
• I am thankful for the kiddos that I spent my weekdays (and sometime nights) with and their parents who demonstrate biblical parenting
• I am thankful for scarves
• I am thankful for Pine Dive Gospel Church and their pastor Okey for showing me what a small, but faithful church looks like
• I am thankful for sweaters
• I am thankful for my friends who work for the growth of the Gospel at MSU, in Lansing, in Michigan, in the US, in the world
• I am thankful for a small group where a group of different people come together to know and make known our Savior
• I am thankful for the family at 541 Meadowlawn- their care, their hospitality, their example, their patience (in fact when I did freak out I ran over to that house)
• I am thankful for the friend I met in Philips Hall, who has been a great brother to talk to over the past five and a half years
• I am thankful for scented candles
• I am thankful for my puppy of 13 years
• I am thankful for an extended family who has always loved and been interested in my brother and I (we are the only ones in our age group)
• I am thankful for lakes and boats
• I am thankful for education
• I am thankful for people who let me sleep at their house and talk with me, watch NCIS, and play bananagrams till 2am
• I am thankful for games
• I am thankful for MACC Ave Church and their faithfulness to the Gospel in Detroit
• I am thankful for the color green
• I am thankful for ice cream night, which as far as I am concern does not need to include ice cream, just the people
• I am thankful for books
• I am thankful for friends who still go to MSU
• I am thankful for Netflix
• I am thankful for friends in North Carolina and South Korea and from Cali
• I am thankful for the saints of old who still line the way, retelling triumphs of his Grace
• I am thankful for MSU football
• I am thankful for asparagus, string cheese and garlic
• I am thankful

House Calls

This evening I was watching two small girls, the 2 year old watched Curious George (she has the other couple times I watched them). Anyways on my way the dad said something about how I must make more house calls then our pastor. This made me laugh...I do get to go to many great houses, with I am thankful for...and in majority of them I can tell you something about their fridge, laundry or other fun facts.

Engaged

So last Saturday I got engaged to Brad! I thought I would write it out so I would remember it better.

I had a feeling it was coming because I accidentally found out that he was talking to my parents a while ago and he was acting really weird. Very insistent about a Saturday night date, which he never really is without reason (Saturday nights we normally hang out with some of our others friends).

Anyways we went out for dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant called Omi (if you ever go there get the sesame spinach roll...seriously good, if you need someone to go with you...Call me). We then proceeded to go shopping for new jeans for Brad (one of our friends thought he proposed in Kohl. Thanks for not doing that Brad!) Next he told me he had to go to church to put something in a mailbox (I didn't believe that was all he needed to do, so I did the only thing I could think of told him I was not going in...I did). He had wrote me a nice note and put it in my church mailbox (I love my church mailbox). He then ask me to accompany him o the roof (It is a flat roof, that I like to sit on every chance I get). He played me a song he wrote for me on his guitar and ask me. Although I had seen this coming and had a rehearsed yes...all I said was really? He said yes. I said I should say Yes...I did.

He also told me there was no more surprises, but was still acting funny... and sure enough a bunch of our friends from church (young and old) were in my basement. A great end to a great night!

On mission

So sometimes I am not the best at articulating what I think and the question I have been butchering the most lately involves what I have been doing for work...watching kiddos...maybe even yours. (Sometimes I fall back on saying watching kiddos because babysitting makes me feel like I am in high school...sometimes I say nannying...)

Truth be told I currently love where I am right now and at the same time I know I won't do it forever. I was just telling a friend the other day that it's kind of like I get to be a missionary/servant for the local church...which I say fully knowing it's not as cool as holding babies in Africa, feeding the hunger in Chicago, caring for the lepors in Calcutta, (insert any number of other things mostly involving another country or the inner-city).

I do happen to know that it is not the most glamorous thing I could be doing, I happen to be in the habit of bringing spare clothes with me when I go some place, in case my clothes get peed on, pooped on, thrown up on, snotted on...you get the idea. This being said, I do think there is something cool about what I get to do. I get to come along side of Godly families, see how they "do life" and hopefully help (a very small amount) to grow these kids in the Lord. I also get to pray for these families (although I don't do this as much as I should). I pray that the kids never know anything besides the grace of the Christ, that there's no scandolous sin in their life, no clear rebellion, but they see their sin and know it was paid for at the cross of Christ. I also pray for the parents, for their marriages, for their own growth in holiness and for patience, strength and grace in the shepherding of their children.

Over the past year and a half I have had the opportunity to see the same 30+ kids on a regular basis either at their homes, their friend's homes or in a kids' bible study class I teach. In this group the Gospel is spoken regularly in 4 different languages to kids who I pray will grow up to be solid doctors, teachers, firefighters, mothers, garbage truck drivers, chefs, pastors, engineers, missionaries and whatever else they want to be all to the glory and praise of God the Father. I pray that God uses them to take the Gospel to lands I'll never see, to people I'll never meet, to meetings and classes I'll never sit through. I pray the Lord uses these dear children to expand his kingdom greatly, and me, I pray that he gives me vision to see what I do as such.



And this is my prayer:that you love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

Strangers

I was just thinking how during the past couple weeks I have had two things happen to me where I was in a strange place...the place where complete strangers could have either made me feel like a complete idoit or encourage me. Both times they were encouraging...

Time one involved taking three kids (I was watching) in the early morning to run an errand (The kind that takes at least two hours), as 10:30am approached two of those kids (the other one was a baby who had had a bottle) were getting hungry and I had just gotten word that the cinnamon rolls at their home were all gone. : ( So I did the only thing I could think of...said I would buy them doughnuts. I went to the Okemos Dunkin Dounut on a MSU game day. As the two boys ran to the door I realized it's 10:30am and I am taking two little boys in their pajamas to get doughnuts! At that moment I felt like a wreck... there at the door was a man (who looked old enough to be my father) in a MSU hoodie he said to the boys "They have been waiting for you in there!" Everyone else waiting in line was quite nice to me as well, no one even looked at me funny when the baby started getting fussy. And the boys got green and white donuts!

Fast forward a couple weeks change the boys and baby for two sweet little girls and have us trying to leave a craft store. I am holding the bag and the one year old and the three year old is trying to hold my hand and I am trying to put the buggy back (Midwesterners often call it a cart, but after working two summers at a SC grocery store I will never call it that again). While pushing it into where it is suppose to be I catch a display on the back wheel (why is the display so poorly placed that I cannot put the cart where it goes...who knows?) and you guessed it a buy-it-as-it-is shadow box picture frame falls, glass up, so I can clearly see it cracked. So what did I do...I kind of froze and looked at the cashier...who just looked at me and said into her walkie talkie "lisa to the front" (Another question-why does the young cashier who works in a store where 50% of things are breakable and has no idea what to do when something breaks?) Another customer (a lady who was maybe in her fourties) looks at me and says "that was not a good place for that display", another customer (maybe in het late fifties) comes over and pushes it under the display. I look at the cashier and say"I'm going to go now" and I do.

Both times if these strangers wanting to they could have said things that would have made me cry and I am thankful that they did not!

So the color is red that you stand by

So this past Sunday a Christian Rapper (who is also a pastor) named Curtis Allen aka Voice came to URC, to share his testimony and rap. This was not my first time hearing christian rap live (Ambassador, Trip Lee and Lecrae anyone?) Two things stood out during the whole night.

First, Curtis shared his testimony with us (way to generalized it would be living for the streets-realizing the lies, growing in Christ as a redeemed sinner first as his identity). While I was sitting listening to a man sharing his heart with us, a man whose God is mine God, I was amazed at something that I think about far less than I should. I was amazed at God's grace and mercy on the life of Curtis. And also was amazed to think that the same grace and mercy is not just perfectly displayed in Curtis' life, but in ALL people who are covered in Christ blood, everywhere, myself included.

Second, I observed something Sunday night after the service in three parts. A lady (a mom friend of mine) waiting in line to talk to Curtis with her foster son, later I saw he was praying with her and the boy (I remember at this point thinking I would love to know what Curtis was praying) and then I pass the lady on her way back to the rest of her family, she was crying (Now I really wanted to know). God granted me in a way I least expected, yesterday I read a post by Curtis Allen noting the moment here.

Reminders of Fall

So one of my favorite things about hanging out with so many kiddos is hearing what they say. Earlier this fall one of the three year old girls I watch was so disappointed that on the official first day of fall all the leaves in her front yard were not instantly colorful she nearly cried. On a car ride we took that day we looked for tree with leaves that "knew it was fall". I was not nearly as eager for fall.



Some other kids that I drive from their house to another house spend the whole drive picking out the best fall trees. It is good for me to hear their excitement at God's creation. It is good for me to see through their eyes. I am far less amazed than I should be.

Another of my friends had this to say about the Fall
"These days are so bright and beautiful. We have to go outside and burn them into our imaginations so we can remember them come February".

Salt

For those of you who don't know, as of late I have been on a triple layers cake baking spree. I think I saw a cool one and said something like "I could do that" and I have been working on it ever since. It has been a good road, I am very thankful for the people who have eaten cakes; some good cakes and some bad and then there was the one that I should have thrown away.

I made a little mistake, I took out the sugar container and not the salt container. I realized it after baking. This is really when I should have said throw-it-away. This Vanilla Bean Cake with White Chocolate Buttercream Frosting made well could rival a good wedding cake all day long. Made saltless (AKA forgetting the 1/2 teaspoon) is awful, end of story, choke-it down, blahhhh, give it to people you don't like, ewww.

So lesson learned-don't mistake sugar for salt? Not so fast. Today Ben (associate pastor of the church I go to) who is going through the book of Colossians. Talked about Colossians 4:2-6 where Paul is talking about both prayer and evangelism in his closing part of the letter. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Verse 5-6 says, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."

What does having speech seasoned with salt mean? Directly quoting John Piper it means this

"So you don’t have a zingy personality! Salt tastes different on steak, corn, watermelon and eggs. You must be you. But there is a salty you and a blah and boring you. God says, “Be salty.” Especially when you are talking about his grace to outsiders. How? Well, just talk as though what you are talking about really tastes good. “Taste and see that the Lord is good!” (Psalm 34:8). We can’t fake it. So the real need is to fall in love again with the taste of God! "

To cling to a Love that we can't comprehend

The past couple days have been both good and bad. I am dealing with things that I don't understand and situations that seem awful.

There is a family in my church (I watch their kiddos) that are currently pretty much waiting for news of two family members death. One is a elderly grandmother, this one is much easier for me to swallow. The harder one is their sister-in-law who is dying of cancer, she's in her early 40s with two younger girls. I dug up an old prayer chain email that had this to say "Ron has always trusted the Lord and this situation is not an exception. Connie trusts Jesus as her Lord, her sin is forgiven and she will go to be with the Lord when she dies, this is cause for praise." I do praise the Lord for this and also pray for this family.

I also am in the midst of not understanding a couple other things. Last night I went with a friend to move her out of her parents house. She prepared me for the worst case scenario, which involved bringing my phone in and writing her address on my hand just in case a 911 call was needed (it was not). I don't understand that kind of anger.

In the middle of not understanding, I praise God for the thing that I understand the least; the righteous for the unrighteous.

Because the sinless savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on him and pardon me.

Faithfulness

So this past week my friend had mentioned that he would be giving a testimony at URC on Sunday. I said I would pray and I did, I prayed that his words were from God not from him and spoke truth about the goodness of the Gospel. It was really ironic when I sat in church and realized that his words were indeed from God and I in fact needed them.

He spoke of his life in the past four years, now I have been blessed to see his life in those past four years in a detail the average person has not. I have watched God grow him from a baby Christian to a solid man of the Lord (to which I praise God). His testimony was a reminder I very much needed that the Lord is faithful. More faithful then we deserve him to be with a faithfulness secured by his word.

The sermon was then about faith (Mark 9:14-29) here are some highlights.

Faith is always focused (fixed on Jesus in the midst of chaos), sometimes small, never self reliant.

It is not the strength of my faith that makes the difference, but the object of my faith (if I believe ice won't break, my belief does not change the strength of the ice itself).

What will it take to get more faith and have it? Prayer!

Bottom line it was good to have the reminder before the sermon even started that the God I have faith in is completely faithful. Thanks Bryce for sharing.

Lord I believe, Help my unbelief.

9-11

I wanted to joint a couple things down so I will remember...

I have one singular memory of the World Trade Center, I was 6 or 7 on a family trip in New York City. When we were driving around one of my parents (I think...someone at least) told me to look up, that we were driving passed one of the tallest buildings in the world, I remember looking up, but not seeing the top of the building. The only other thing I remember from that trip is that a bird pooped on me at the Statue of Liberty...

On September 11, 2001 I was a freshman in high school. I learned about the days events before Mrs. Nolan third hour english class. I both knew it was going to change things (read-it was a big deal) and didn't answer the scope of it at all.

A cleanliness I can't undo

One of my friends dabbles in song writing and guitar playing; he's pretty good. He wrote a song about 2 years ago (I think) and I for the life of me can't remember it (note-I don't have the best memory). I do remember liking it and I do recall one line which is "A cleanliness I can't undo". Referring to the forever righteousness given to The Christian by Jesus Christ's Death. This line has been great for me, it is both a call and a relief.


A call to live like this is true. A call to live, as Paul puts it in Philippians 1:27, in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ, and then again in Ephesians 4:1, to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. Translation, I am clean (through Christ), therefore I strive to live in thoughts, words and deeds like I am.


A relief because I don't, I can't live worthy to that call. But nothing can make me more clean or less clean. I am not earning my salvation or ruining my salvation because nothing can make me better or remove Christ blood in my life. My status before God is secure, I am a redeemed sinner.





A cleanliness I can't undo,
A savior died, myself to kill,
To kill my pride, to kill my sin,
Deserved, did I, the wrath of God,
Absorbed by him who knew no sin,
Blameless to stand before the King,
My soul, for eternity, he owns,
None strong enough to change my end,
Erase, can nothing this promise.

(I wrote that about the using the line of his song as my first line)

Kelly

So a have spend most of the past Sunday and Wednesday evenings hanging out with Kelly and the Gothros. I worked about 5 minutes away from their house at about 7:45am. So the thought was that I could sleep in more...but then I also stayed up later than I would have on my own...talking. Definitely worth it!

I first became friends with Kelly in South Carolina, at my summer project, we both worked in a grocery store called BiLo. Kelly always drove me, although I made her late a couple times and spilled coffee in her car, those were some of my favorite car rides. She worked primarily as "the melon cutting girl" in the produce section and I got loaned to the produce section multiple times. We stacked some fruit and had a green bean war with a co-worker. Good times.

Kelly is a person who very visibly shows me what joy in the Lord looks like in all sorts of circumstances, really talk to her for a minute about the Gospel and you will know what I mean. It has been such an encouragement to me to know this sister. (Not to mention she is the only person I know who play Bananagrams with me at midnight.)

Tuesday she starts her first day being an official teacher, I could not be more excited for her. Have fun lady!

God I praise you for Kelly, what you have done in her life and will continue to do. Thank you for this job which you have so obviously provided. I pray for her tomorrow that her nerves will be calm, ready for her students and for the tomorrows after, that you give her strength. Help her when she grows tired to find purpose in it and to ultimately find rest in you. I pray that she will be able to find a church closer by and I pray that you will bless her with friends closer by that will love her through the Gospel. I pray that you continue to give her joy and will show her clearer everyday your Gospel, the Gospel of you making him who knew no sin, to be sin on the cross, so we could be the righteousness of you, our creator. We love you Sovereign Lord. Amen.

My Justification

I am not justified by the books I read (or don't read)
I am not justified by serving others
I am not justified by how well I love God
I am not justified by my relational status
I am not justified by how well I flee from sin
I am not justified by humans efforts
I am not justified by my prayer life
I am not justified by how well I articulate the Gospel
I am not justified by owning my sin
I am not justified by what I think of myself
I am not justified by what I do
I am not justified by how dead my flesh is
I am not justified by how well I cross boundaries
I am not justified by any works
I am not justified by what people think of me
I am not justified by my vision
I am not justified by memorizing scripture
I am not justified by bibical understanding
I am not justified by how much I have grown
I am not justified by spending time with ladies
I am not justified by how well I own my failures
I am not justified by my heart for missions
I am not justified by my own efforts
I am not justified by knowledge
I am not justified by my attitude
I am not justified by how well I illustrate the Gospel to my roommates
I am not justified by how much time I spend with God
I am not justified by loving hymns
I am not justified by my legacy
I am not justified by the community around me
I am not justified by my GPA
I am not justified by how well I submit to authority
I am not justified by this

I am justified by the blood of Jesus Christ and Him alone

[I wrote this about a year and a half ago, it's a little repetitive by my heart is stubborn. The bottom line it is not who I am or what I do (though both do matter) that justifies me in front of God, But Jesus Christ, who he is, what he did]

A Pretty Good August Day

Yesterday I spend the day with some of my extended family on my cousins, Ben and Sarah's boat. It is a retired research vessel/work boat. It may not look the prettiest, but I cannot imagine a cooler boat, it half made me want to run away and become a crew member on boat like it (I have decided against it).

I got to hang out with their daughter, Elsa, in the crow's nest (which my brother painted) for a while. I loved it!

We took the boat out of Lake Macatawa and to Lake Michigan (past the famous red lighthouse) and back again. On the way back we threw out the anchor and swam in the lake. The water, the tube and the can of beer all added up to be one of the most relaxing moments I have had this summer, it was in fact, a pretty good August day.

Potatoes

Note to self I hate potatoes when they turn to liquid and have maggots. The End.

Good Enough

For a couple days now I have been feeling pretty much like I am not good enough. In the wordly sort of way...money, appearance, job and what not. So it happened today, the thing that usually happens when I ignore something like that...I cried. And a lot.



There were two great thoughts though.



First, I am what I am by the grace of God, and his grace was not in vain (1 corinthians 15:10). Sidenote to self I don't even think I ever meant to memorize this verse, but it was great, memorize more. Note also this doesn't mean I sit around and do nothing, Paul says in the second half of that verse "I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."



Second, I realized I am not good enough at all, which seems awful, but is freeing. I am not good enough, but Christ IS my rightousness and more than good enough, in fact more than enough (I use to think that was a kind of cheesy, still probably do, but it is true). In everything I could ever hope to do, I will still fall short, HE won't, HE can't.

The Great Divorce

I don't have the best memory so this is my way of remembering what I thought of this book.

I just finished the book The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. Yes this was about 1 year and a couple odd months after I should have finished/read it in a small group. Sorry.

I have been turned off from this book in the past when people start talking like it is a true example of heaven and hell. I am glad I got over that and read it, but it is not a biblical view on heaven and hell. I don't think Heaven is as good in the book as it is in the bible and I don't think Hell is as bad in the book and it is in the bible. I also would agree with people who say C.S. Lewis did not write it to be an example.

Also this book was really hard for me to get into and a lot of the symbolism went over my head. I would eventually like to read this again and see if I get more out of it.

With that said, the best part of the book is the "ghosts" and "solid people" that the narrator comes into contact with. They are people I know. The people who makes their kids into little gods, the people who are not well known on earth that heaven rejoices over, people who grow bitter, people who don't necessarily like their sin but don't fully want to kill it either.

The ghost (hell people) also have a hard time walking on solid grass, reality is harsh to them, but none the less true.
The solid people (heaven people) play and run with joy on solid grass, reality is joy when faith becomes sight.



My Favorite Quote

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and
those to whom God says, "Thy will be done."

It is good for me

Last week while going through some old binders, I found an old email, not even originally send to me that was a great blessing to me. It was printed for me by my old d-group dad, Allan, from a pastor named Fred, Feb 22, 2007.

He starts by talking about tomorrow being the day that he will receive the results of a couple test (He had cancer). He writes


"There is a temptation here of course. It is to be anxious about tomorrow and the tomorrows that follow. The temptation puts me right in the middle of a great test of faith: will I be anxious or will I trust?

Jesus in the sermon on the mount speaks about this test of faith: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:34. There is no ambiguity here and no wiggle room. Facing my uncertainty about tomorrow, Jesus tells me, "Don't worry". But Jesus, I protest, how can I stop my mind from its speculations and prognostications? And Jesus in the same text tells me that the antidote to anxiety is trust. "If God clothes the grass of the fields (with a beauty unrivaled), which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matt 6:30. And still earlier he says: "are you not much more valuable then they?" Matt 6:26.

But Jesus, I protest again, how can I become better at trusting in the face of all this uncertainty? "Ask and you will receive", he says in the same sermon. The way through anxiety and the path to greater faith is the path of prayer.

Am I worrying? Stop it. Set the mind on things above not on things below. Begin to pray a simple prayer of focus like Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy of me." Worry and Jesus can not stay in the same brain at the same time. And should I stop my prayer and the anxiety return? I pray again...and again...and again...This is a battle for my soul. Will I accept anxiety or fight through to faith? If it requires a thousand prayers in an hour, then it is my great privilege to pray those prayers. And should my soul need strengthening, then I will declare my desire before the demons and before the Triune God in the words of Psalm 55:23. "But, I will trust you". Five simple but transforning words. If Jesus tells me to stop worrying then it is possible to stop the anxiousness and to rest in his loving arms."


It is good for me to look into the mind of this brother and see his fight to trust. It is also good for me to realize his trusting did not make the cancer go away, it took his life within 4 months of sending this email. It is the Lord I praise for the example of his son Fred.

47 Hours

Friday


1:03pm arrive to pick up twins
1:32pm leave with them
1:56pm get them settle in their own bed at their house
2:01pm Eat lunch, start cleaning their house
2:52pm Take a break and watch the office
3:03pm don't hear them playing upstairs anymore, asleep
3:15pm finsh cleaning and packing
5:00pm Wake up twins and pake them up
5:30pm leave their house
5:51pm arrive home
5:52pm Mimi screams at the dog who is lying down
5:53pm Ellie scream (dog still is lying down)6:02pm Dinner and unpacking
6:32pm Wagon walk with my mom and the dog (this time no screaming)
7:15pm Bath time
8:28pm bottles
8:43pm bed
9:51pm check on them, asleep
11:03pm still asleep



Saturday



12:01am My bedtime
3:57am Mimi wakes up, bottle, bed
8:31am Kids wake up Mimi cries, Ellie is sitting up, diapers, dress, do hair
8:53am breakfast
10:02am Wagon walk with the dog
10:55am bottles and play in the pack n play time for twins
11:01am play with twins
11:59am lunch
12:26pm bottles and play, Mimi decides to run up to the dog and back to me about 5 times laughing, Ellie still screams upon sight of her
1:02pm naps (I got scrub the tub in the bathroom, they win)
3:35pm up, get ready to go
3:47pm outing with my mom and girls
4:09pm Health food store to just walk around, Ellie refuses to sit in the buggy (note-most people call this a kart) she walks around with a kid's kart for a while and dances around, soon she gets tired of this and makes me carry her, Mimi rides in the buggy happily
5:09pm Target for a couple of items, I make Ellie sit in the buggy, she screams, we decide people in the toy section may be more sympathetic towards Ellie, she eventually decides she likes the buggy, hoorah! Mimi still likes the buggy, I feed them animal crackers and milk to ensure their conituned happiness
6:01pm Pick up dinner, take out, Noodles and co, Wisconsin mac and cheese for twinies and Tuscan wheat linguini for me, pesto capi-sometime for my mom
6:35pm Arrive home and Eat
7:31pm baths!
8:25pm Bottles and bed
9:32pm check on them
11:00pm check on them

Sunday

12:05am Lights out for me
12:10am Mimi cries for 30 seconds
4:30am Mimi cries, bottle, bed
8:33am Both kids smile, neither cry, diaper, dress, do hair, diapers again
9:14am Breakfast, Pancakes, eggs, the works
9:52am Play time for girls, packing and getting ready for church for me
10:30am Leave for church
11:00am kids in nursery, church for me
12:21pm Return kids to their house

Suffering Saints

In this world the saints are suffering:

Families leave them, kids rebel,
Neighbors rob them at gunpoint,
Hope of children are ripped away from them,
Sudden death griefs them,
Bodies fail them,

In their absolute saddness, in every tear,
I hear a strong anthem emerge,
God is good and Jesus is the treasure of their heart,
Their portion forever,


The Word of the Lord is their hope,
I see their souls rejoice in your promises,
My heart breaks for these saints,
My prayers they have,


Oh Lord come wipe these sorrows away
and thank you for these saints,
whose steadfastness shows me your glory clearer.


(okey, leon, ted, dan, don)

Beauty in my eyes

So for quite sometime I have liked the sight of old broken down barns, the type that seem like the smallest wind would turn it into a pile of rumble, the type that let daylight through the walls, the type that has peeling dull red paint.

Today while driving on the MLK bridge over Grand River headed south, I realized that I really liked that view too. It is where industry meet natural beauty. The three smoke stacks stand strong in the sky, while the empty cement land( I assume was once a useful parking lot) now grows weeds, right next to these is the Grand River. My favorite time to drive over the bridge is earlier morning when the sun starts coming up over the trees.

I also reminded today while driving over the bridge that another of my favorite things to look at is abandon buildings, the kind I saw it Detroit this March. The houses, the giant train station, the zoo and aquarium at Belle Isle, the Packer plant (where my grandmother work) that built luxury cars.

It hit me today that all of these things that I like to see, that I think I have a strange beauty, have one thing in common. They were built by man and are reminders that things that are built by man cannot last, there is a certain beauty to that.

Life giving Blood

A family from my church just had a new baby named Bennett, in the pictures he looks really cute. During the pregnancy it was discovered she had placenta previa (I didn't know what that was, but it is when the placenta attaches itself on the lower part of the womb, partly or completely covering the cervix. This can result in lots of bleeding during the pregnancy and the deliver.) Mom, Heidi had the Bennett by C-section on Saturday morning which did result in a lot of bleeding, so much so that she needed to get two blood transfusion.

Talking to Amie yesterday she said without the transfusion Heidi would have probably died and reading dad, Brad's facebook status that said, "Heidi's doing much better today. The transfusion seems to have -- literally -- put new life into her." I am reminded that blood does give life. And although it isn't a perfect illustration while driving to work today I realized without Christ blood I am dead, dying, gone. Christ blood is what give me new live and abundantly so.




"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace" -Ephesians 1:7

Promises

Recently I was looking back at my old sermon notes and a noticed in March I had boxed a sentence that said

"Do not think God will give you more than his promises, but trust him to give you his promises"

This made me want to write out some of the promises I am trusting God for...in no particular order

• That he who began a good work in me will carry it on the completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6)
• He will never leave me nor forsake me (Joshua 1:5)
• He will go before me (Deuteronomy 31:8)
• He will crush Satan (Genesis 3:15)
• Receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit (Act 2:39)
• The pure in heart will see God (Matt 5:8)
• There is an inheritance not through the law, but through grace according to the promise given to Abraham (Galatians 3:18)
• Hope of eternal life (Titus 1:2)
• The man who preseveres under trial will reiceve the crown of life (James 1:12)
• The man whose sin the Lord will never count against him is blessed (Romans 4:8)
• That Jesus was delivered over for my sins and was raised to life for my justification (Romans 4:25)
• God works for my own good according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)
• If my hope is in the Lord I can never be put to shame (Psalm 25:3)
• For the Lord knows the plans he has for me, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope (Joshua 1:9)
• He will sustains all things by his powerful word (Hebrews 1:3)

These are some of the promises I will trust in, NOT wealth, health and prosperity.

This breath I breathe

So breathing is never something that has ever been hard for me...I am talking never. Never do I have a memory of gasping for air. This seems like a good thing and it is a true blessing, but lately I feel like I am overlooking the blessing of breathing.

One of the kiddos I watch, George, sometimes has troubles breathing. This has resulted in me becoming familiar with a Nebulizer and also scares me because he is only 3. Another one of my friends, Kelly, has problems breathing as well, for different reasons, but sometimes especially lately she is reaching for her inhaler.

Breathing right is a blessing for both of them and me whether I realize it or not. So with that I thank God for this breath I breathe.

I am going to miss this...

I am sitting in the Durrett's living room just like I have every Monday since last September. Monday is garbage pickup day, which has always brought the kids certain joy. Today is no exception and although George has been trying to go potty upon hearing the garbage truck he runs out...with no clothes on. He then is waving and saying hi, to the garbage truck man, who to my relief does not spot him.
This is many of the little things I will miss come next Monday, the first Monday after the birth of Thomas Edward Durrett. Here are a couple more

• The way after George goes potty he runs in and giggles
• George and Helen taking all their books and putting them somewhere (couch, crib, stairs, floors etc)
• Helen out eating George
• Picking out what they will wear (today Helen's in a Big Sister T shirt)
• Walks to the park or around the block (PS I always feel classy while yelling their names out)
• Reading books like Aliens Love Underpants and Bucky the Badger
• George being willing to watch Pandora for as long as I will let him
• George screaming when Helen does something he does not like
• Trips to Nineveh on George's spaceship
• Art projects (paints probably my favorite)
• George saying things like "can you show me?", to things such as "where are you hurt?"

Anyways welcome to the world Thomas and goodbye George and Helen. I have surely enjoyed hanging out with you guys!

PS while doing an art project today George said that one picture was for his sister Thomas after trying to explain Thomas is his brother he then said "Okay, Thomas the train."

Thanks Althea

So I hate hate hate when people ask me such questions as What's the next step? What are you up to these days? Do you have a job? Are you still babysitting? and so on....

On Saturday I got to answer those questions about 3 times for my parents small group (they were over for a summertime hangout.) I know those questions were well wished by some of the same people who have been praying for those things. But some times it makes me feel like an epic failure. Truth be told I don't know what I am completely doing with my life but I do see God mercies surrounding me.

I was mentioning this in passing at church to a lady named Althea. I love Althea. She is a Godly woman who lives her life in such a way that I can see that her treasure in life is Christ. She has a huge heart for sharing the Gospel, praying, scriptures and encouraging younger women (myself included). We have had great conversions about life. I remember a time last summer when I really needed someone to talk to after asking if we could get coffee soon, her reply was how about in an hour. She has been such a blessing in my life (Read- I value her opinion)

She was super encouraging today and pointed out that I am spending time where it matters, growing in Godliness and getting involved in community. Is was great to be told that by someone who I respect and would not mind being like someday. Thanks Althea for directing my eyes to things above.

"These are good days"

This whole year I have been telling myself "these are good days". It's not that I didn't believe it, but it because they are. God has blessed me aduntantly this year. Overall I feel like this year has been perfect, not everything, but I have loved time with friends, getting paid to hang out with the cutest kids possible, hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with great families who love the Lord, overall good health for my family, fun times with my parents...and the list goes on.

In the back of my head I know that this will not be true my whole life; there will be hard times to come. So everytime I start to get stressed by a little thing I think what am I talking about, these are good times. And yesterday when Kelly yelled from the side of Grand River "Texas wants me", it made me slightly sad because I was reminding that these days aren't forever. It is a good thing that I see this because these "good days" are dull, painful days compared to the glory of heaven. Let me love those future days.

Why Jack?

Lately I have been feeling like Dear Jack should be my blog title. The funniest thing is I never even posted anything under my last name (Oh my life). You may ask who is Jack and why would I write to him?
Jack is, I mean was, my grandfather and truth be told the dead person I would most like to talk to (next to my grandmother, fishing might be nice). They died when I still was quite young and my memory is very limited, but they knew the God that I know and I wish I got to have conversions with them about what God is teaching me and hear their wisdom of lessons learned and still learning. I sometimes think of 3 John 1:4-"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." I hope they would have felt that about me.
The second part of that question, why would I write it to him? I am not crazy, I don't except something magically, out of a movie to happen, where my grandfather starts talking to me or writes back. Partly this is a small way to honor the man of God my grandfather was, but mostly it is to remind myself that day to day things (the type that I shall write about) will soon pass, this life is a vapor, only what's done for Christ will last. And if Christ does not come back before death comes to me, please remember self that a legacy will be left. I pray that legacy would be a sinner saved by grace to the glory of God and learning to walk/rest in that.